When it comes to relationships everyone has something to say. From friends, siblings and celebrities and even us! Recently, Hollywood Power Couple, Devon Franklin and his wife, Megan Good, shared details of their relationship, courtship, marriage and the key to their success- waiting. In the book, also titled, ‘the wait’, they share their belief that saving sex for marriage is the key to success and admit committing to celibacy until they tied the knot in 2012.
In today’s ‘modern’ world, a lot of people wonder about the feasibility of saving sex till marriage. Some feel it’s no longer relevant or only applicable to people with something to hide. Recently, we stumbled on an Instagram post by Dolapo Disu, where she publicly admitted to being celibate and saving herself for marriage. We found it interesting and super cool that she wasn’t only committed to her choice but was upfront in communicating it.
In this exclusive interview, we try to gain a Nigerian perspective on the benefits and downsides of waiting as well as its feasibility, in ‘mordern’ day Nigeria.
Meet Dolapo Disu
Dolapo Disu is the CEO of the Dee Crystal Events, an event planning company. She is also a counselor and founder of Hope Ville a Non Governmental Organisation which creates opportunities and programmes to transform lives and impact the society.
IBG: Are you currently ‘waiting’ and why?
DD: I am currently waiting for various reasons some of which includes to honour God and His words, not to adjust to the ‘everybody is doing it’ syndrome and mindset.
IBG: When you say waiting what do you mean- are kissing and 2nd base off limits?
DD: By waiting I mean, not having sex as I date or court, until after our church wedding. Kissing and 2nd base are certainly off the table in a relationship with me, none of us would die if we don’t kiss!
IBG: Errr, who buys a car without testing it- how do I know if this thing works!!!!-
DD: You are not a Car. Neither are you a product to be tested. I think it is better to get the idea of testing or sampling out of our minds. The truth is waiting works and you wouldn’t be the first believing and practicing it. At the end of it all, you would still have to learn what your partner wants and how to please your partner the way they want irrespective of any previous experience you’ve had. So you will have to let go of all the other memories you have and just learn what your partner wants.
Having an open mind when the wait is over is also pertinent.
IBG: Why do you feel it’s important to wait?
DD: Waiting basically defines the relationship, it serves as the foundation on which you are building every other thing on. When you decide to wait you both know what you want and it helps you in getting to know each other, better- but this time without your bodies being involved
IBG: Are there any advantages of waiting?
DD: It gives you peace of mind, it enables you truly know your partner and also helps you to discern if they are the right one for you or not. It builds trust levels with your partner which serves as a foundation when you eventually get married. Also your relationship with Christ doesn’t get strained just because you are dating, you basically have nothing to lose when you wait, you wouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty if the relationship doesn’t lead to marriage. Plus there is the added advantage of no pregnancy panic, nude scandal or other stories.
IBG: Let’s be real, are there any disadvantages?
DD: Of course there are disadvantages, you would often be misunderstood and wrongly tagged. You have to explain why you have decided to wait a lot of times to others and may loose friends. You will also meet a lot of people, who you could possibly date but can’t because of the path you have chosen.
IBG: Do you feel it’s easier for women to wait than for guys?
DD: I don’t think it’s easier for women. Both sexes get pressured to give in, the only difference is we get pressured though different ways, which doesn’t make it easier for any of the parties.
Megan Good’s husband was celibate for 10years before they started dating, while Ciara’s fiancée told her God asked him to be celibate while they are dating and she agreed. It’s more about life style choices than gender
IBG: Has a guy ever broken up with you because you wanted to wait?
DD: Yesss! Guys not only broke up with me because I decided to wait but I have also been called names and been given funny looks.
IBG: Ok, if sex is off the table…. What are we going to do together?
DD: Because sex is off the table doesn’t mean you can’t do anything else or still have fun. You can go out, hang with friends, try new places, play games, travel, talk, plan, pray… You can actually do everything asides sex. One of the basic advantage of waiting is to know each other and engaging in activities is a great way of getting to know each other.
IBG: What advice would you give to someone who started off waiting in their current relationship but fell off the wagon, how do they get back in line?
DD: In this walk and journey and concerning this topic there is no shame in it or perfection, don’t wallow in guilt and self pity, own the fact that you’ve failed, examine your ways, ask for grace and continue.
Various misconception exist on this topic, society, friends and families would always put pressure, if you decide to wait, know why you are waiting and brace yourself.