Are you Beautiful?

It’s hard. With images of perfect, long limed, slim, small waisted and wash board stomachs floating around, to feel you measure up or come even close to what society terms as beautiful. Sometimes we think beauty is about change. If only I could be slimmer, taller, had a bigger butt, smaller nose, cat like eyes, smaller forehead, longer hair…..we modify ourselves to fit the mould and sometimes we do, loosing uniqueness in the process.

In my University days, I had blemish free skin. Girls would stop me on the street to ask what cream I used. They’d follow me around at the beauty store and buy the exact items I placed in my basket. My make up bag consisted of white powder, a black eye pencil and lip gloss. Then I moved abroad and things changed dramatically. I have spoken openly about my battle with Psoriasis and the various self esteem challenges it brought.

In some way I think it was God’s way of making me grow up. As difficult as it was to go from being admired to avoided, having scaly blemished skin made me look for alternative ways to feel attractive. Methods that had little to do with what people thought or how they reacted towards me.

I’ll admit that it is difficult. Even now, being on the upper side of the average dress size range, I do have my moments when I look at my not-so bikini body in the mirror and squeeze in my stomach. I tuck my bingo wing arms behind my back and sigh. ‘Why cant you just be a size 10 Glory, or even a size 12’! If only your arms weren’t so big, if only your stomach was flatter…..the list is endless. Then I remind myself of these tips which I am about to share and slowly I regain my focus.

People accuse unconventional beauty enthusiasts of being cop-outs. We are overweight so we make excuses for our size. We cant compete with societies expectations so we’ve decided to create our own standards of measurements to feel ‘happier’ with our lives. This is an untruth. Experience and discussions with other women has taught me that no woman, regardless of her size, skin tone or body shape feels perfect. And that is the issue.

Perfection is not a destination. Infact it really isn’t even a route. But somehow we’ve been made to believe that this is who we are meant to be. Perfectly sculpted, unblemished beings whose body shapes morph to meet societies expectations. The tips I share here are from my persona lessons and from those of the women who have shared with me. I hope you will share yours too.

1. Beauty is in the eye of the holder

The idea that someone else validates if you are beautiful (i.e. the beholder)  or ok looking is wrong. You own yourself, so if you say you are beautiful, then you are. Understand your own (not someone else’s media, society, mother or whoever else’s) definition of what makes you beautiful and follow it. I have learnt never to wait for compliments…I give them to myself (see tip 6 below).

2. Understand that you are a sum total of different things:

You are more than the physical. While that doesn’t mean you should neglect your appearance it does mean you shouldn’t neglect your other ‘unseen’ features such as character, health, happiness…which all impact on who you are and how you come across. I began to see my beauty when I realised that beauty really was from my spirit. I am beautiful because my spirit loves to love, it is jovial, it loves talking, laughing out loud and friendships. The more I saw who I was inside, the more I loved myself and saw how beautiful I truly was.

3. Find out what you like:

For a long time I felt curvy women were meant to wear certain things. No elaborate patterns, no form fitting cloths and definitely no white or bright colours. I felt I had to wear sleeves because I had to cover my arms and wear heels to appear taller. But I actually hate sleeves because I am always hot! I love pink and yellow and oh my…I recently bought a zebra patterned pencil skirt that is just my idea of GLAM! In a nut shell…break the rules that make you feel uncomfortable!

4. Understand that other women are entitled to their bodies

My cousin is quite slim. The typical figure 8 queen. She looks amazing in her PJ’s and I often catch myself staring at her. She is beautiful. But so am I (remember tip one). Even though media may have us believe that there is a curvy vs slim rhetoric, don’t let that get into your head. Women are entitled to look the way they want. Admire them but don’t compare yourself or let anyone become your standard of measurement. I have learnt to always tell my cousin how lovely she looks and let it end there.

5. People will talk, let them.

When my Psoriasis flared up last year, a lot of people wanted me to cover my arms, to hide the scaling. I didn’t. Well meaning friends have given advice on how I should dress or cover this and hide that…..(some not so well meaning have made jabs at my weight). It’s ok. The trick here is not to let other peoples opinion of you fester in your mind. They are entitled to their opinions and you are entitled to not take them on board.

6. Affirm yourself daily

Tell yourself you are beautiful Honestly, this one is hard, especially in the beginning. But once I learnt to put my definition of beauty into perspective (tip 2), the easier it became. I tell myself on the regular…’Glory, you look HAWT’. ‘You are a fine babe’…..I tell myself first!

The above tips are a summary of my journey to beautiful. Like all other journey’s, it is a daily journey of failures and triumphs. I hope you’ll share yours with me….