Man Versus Ambition

Being a single woman in Nigeria is a tough business. If you are career driven, you are accused of driving men away with your ambition, if you require high standards from your suitors, they say you are picky and if you expect excellent work ethics from colleagues they say you are bossy. Alas! Who can set us free from the tireless demands of society? That was why when I read this article my Ms Gidi, I could completely relate. I cannot count the amount of times I’ve been told to keep my academic achievements and career desires under wraps to avoid threatening the ego of prospective suitors. However on the flip side, I know many women who are very successful and are in happy marriages. So where does the real reasoning lie? Do you agree with Ms Gidi, or is there merit to down playing on the need to be on Forbes…at least until he has put a ring on it and the priest has said you may kiss the bride?

By Ms Gidi

Halfway through a conversation between Miss Gidi and Mr A

Me: Mehnnn I need to make Forbe’ list in this life

Mr A: So where will your husband be?

Me: Ummm Forbe’s list too duh!

Mr A: Abeg Miss Gidi, you need to chill on all this your over ambitious goals, at least play it down because most men don’t like women that look like they want to compete with them

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Well friends, welcome to another day in the life of a single sister in Lagos, today we are discussing being ambitious and how that affects your ‘man market’.

In a country like Nigeria where there are a lot of female entrepreneurs (including your fish and pepper sellers in the market) I wonder why most Nigerian men (not all) have a problem with a woman who is driven. Fortunately, I happen to be one of those women who aim for excellence, to be the best at everything I do. While in secondary school I ran the school’s tuck shop for about a year (or was it a few months) under the Junior Achiever’s program and ended up winning an award for the best company run under the J.A. program that year.

Even in Uni, I was elected the president of an organisation and with the help of a fantastic team, we were able to transform it from nothing to one that was recognised for excellence and I was awarded with the highest leadership award for my efforts as the President of the organisation. I’m not trying to blow my trumpet here instead I am saying that excelling at what I set my hands to do has always been my motto in life and with parents like mine being mediocre has never been an option.

Unfortunately though this trait of mine does not seem to help my ‘man market’ because as a single woman who wants to get married I am told I need to tone down my drive for excellence and never discuss some of my life goals such as being on the Forbe’s list. Apparently, my physical appearance already intimidates men so being an NFA (No Future Ambition) should balance the equation.

For the record, this has nothing to do with having a demanding job, this is about being a woman who is driven to succeed.

Don’t get me wrong, some Nigerian men love a woman that is entrepreneurial and driven BUT she cannot be better than he is or more driven than he is, so while he deals in oil/government contracts, she should stick to selling shoes and bags in the marketplace, never aspiring to have her own brand or expanding into being one of the top shoe producers in Nigeria (heck Africa!) …a few shops here and there should be height of her aspiration.

Each time I have this discussion with people, I am often reminded that most women who are supposedly ambitious are single, divorced or widowed. There is the misconception that a woman who aims to be excellent in anything other than being a wife and mother cannot be ‘tamed’ because she may forget her role in the home while she aims for success in other aspects of her life.

Our society gives me the impression that being mediocre or pretending to be is what makes me more of a ‘marriage material’; I must learn to slow down to be accepted; so don’t be too educated (unless you are a medical doctor), don’t aim for greatness, don’t own properties, don’t drive luxury cars (unless a man bought it for you) and in my case, don’t dream of being on the Forbes list.

My question is with the number of female entrepreneurs we have in our country why is being an ambitious woman a threat to the average Nigerian man? Who says a woman cannot have it all? Or is ‘having it all’ something only men can aim for?

Sadly for ‘our society’, I was not trained to be mediocre, I was trained to be the best that I can be, aim for greatness including being the best mother and wife…surely there has to be a man who can handle all of that.

 This article was published on www.singleingidi.com and can be found here