Can you Celebrate being Single?

So here’s the raw,honest to God truth. I’m single and it bothers me. It’s not the type of bother that makes me cry or contemplate my self worth. It’s the type of bother that hits you on a Friday evening when you’d rather be having dinner with that special someone or that creeps up on you when you are planning a holiday for one.

Long ago, I realized the power of time and seasons. I realized that some things were completely out of my control- one of which was marriage. Seasons will come, summer always comes and you have no control on when it does. But you must go through the autumn, winter and the spring to get there. And you must LIVE not just endure through those seasons.

I accepted that God had full control of my life and if He, in His infinite wisdom, had decided that I would get married at 35, there was no gain in worrying about it for the next 5 years! That was the thought process that birthed my freedom and keeps me sane when people treat singleness like the plague.

But I realize not everyone thinks, or can think this way. There are real struggles. Aging parents, questions on ability and safety of child birth as you grow older, feelings of loneliness and questions surrounding self worth and esteem. These and many more are real challenges many single women (and perhaps men) confront on a per second basis. So with this in mind, how can you celebrate or at least have a positive outlook on being single?

This might sound counter productive but I don’t know! Having a positive outlook on life and love when all your friends are married with kids and you have been a bridesmaid for the 10th time takes a mindset shift that is both willful and determined and ultimately is a very personal journey.

It is not something that happens over night. It is birthed from a place of self acceptance and love, knowing who you are and what you want and understanding that completion of self does not come from relationships. It comes from believing that you have a higher purpose than coupling and reproduction, even though those activities are very important, you must know that you are more than that. You must be willing to be single, unique and whole even when the word constantly shoots opposing messages at you. But most importantly you must never hinge your happiness or relevance on someone else. Because the honest truth is, unless you are able to understand and cultivate this, in the long run, no romantic relationship will deeply satisfy or complete you.

So while we may not throw a party or pop champagne bottles because we are single, we can find new ways to appreciate the time solitude affords us and discover new things and achieve feats that are within our control.