End of the Road by Glory Edozien

A good friend of mine once told me ‘every relationship must not end in marriage’. At first I didn’t understand what he meant. Surely, when you reach your mid-twenties the goal of most relationships is marriage. But now, I clearly see what he was talking about. I think ‘some’ of us are so fixated on the expected end result we forget the necessary process needed to reach the goal.

I have no shame in admitting that I too have recently been a victim of this mistake. When I met Lanre, I could almost swear that he was a gift from cupid himself. He was good looking, had a good job, religious, charming and quite intelligent. We had an instant connection. He loved my articles, laughed at my very dry jokes and thought I was the sweetest thing ever created. I won’t lie to you all, I had already started thinking about wedding venues and asho ebi colours! It was all going extremely well.

But then as time went on I realised something quite disturbing. Lanre and I were both stubborn. The slightest argument turned into a full blown, no holes barred fight. He was not as sensitive as I’d first imagined, neither was he as caring. At first I put it down to the ‘normal’ relationship blues and carried on. Very soon I found myself accepting to do without the very things I knew I WANTED in a relationship. The calls and visits became so infrequent it was almost like he lived out of town. He was always in a bad mood and it became almost impossible to see him without going on my knees first. I was lonely in my own relationship! Anytime I complained, I got labelled a nag. But the longer I ignored it, the more I felt like something was eating me up inside. But I stayed, hoping that things would somehow change.

So one day, after I hadn’t heard from him for over 48hrs. I decided I’d had enough. It was like the pieces of my brain suddenly cemented together and I realised I was a big fool! Why was I willing to stay in some sorry excuse of relationship when I was far happier before I met him? Why was I prepared to keep compromising on the very things I knew I needed and deserved just so I could be ‘Lanre’s girlfriend’. Haba! Enough was enough. So I called Mr Lanre and called it quits. At first, I thought I was making a huge mistake, but then I quickly realised that continuing to be in a relationship that brought nothing but quarrels, mistrust, tears, arguments and disappearing acts was the first mistake I had made. What if we got married and he didn’t come home for two days? What if we got married and we had to bring up children in a quarrelsome home. No. We both deserved far better than that!

Off course the usual heartbreak and sadness followed, but hey, I have realised that heartbreak don’t kill, at worst we cry and feel miserable for a few days, but the heart is much more resilient than we think. Today, I feel much happier because I know life has taught me too many harsh lessons for me to keep on repeating the same ole mistakes. I have come to a point where I know exactly who I am and what I want and deserve and I am not prepared for anyone to tell me any different. Do I miss Lanre? Of course I do. But I am wise enough to know that flogging a dead horse won’t bring it back to life. Every woman must come to a point in life where the value of personal sanity and happiness is higher than being ‘mrs’ so and so.

Today, I am back to my single happy self and Lanre and I are good friends. Our relationship wasn’t meant to end up in marriage, but who knows maybe the next one will.

This article was originally published on bellanaija.com and can be viewed here