However, one day after a school party, I was pulled aside by someone older than me and told politely that I shouldn’t have worn that dress to the school party because it wasn’t appropriate for someone my size.  If you know anything about growing up as a student of G.I.S, you will know that during summer vacation I had purposely picked out that outfit for the first party of the year.  I remember it vividly, a one-arm dress with sequins down the side made of stretchy but firm fabric.  Yes it hugged every curve and fold on my body but those curves were a part of me right?

The truth about that era of my life was that, I lived inside my body without an outwards view of it.  Before the comment even fully settled, the physical Hayet separated from the inner Hayet.  From that moment I gracefully stepped outside of myself and started to view myself from the point of view of everyone around me.  I started to see me, how they wanted me to see me.

It is hard to write and tell stories of experiences I have had, because sometimes I feel like I owe it to each of you to have a full success story. The truth is, till today my turning point has still not fully manifested itself.

I did this photo-shoot to push me a little bit closer to a turning point.  Yes as I picked out the red dress to wear I asked myself how I could miraculously spill myself into spanx so that my love handles wouldn’t find a place in the final shot.  I asked myself if the slit was too high for my thighs.  I asked myself if the cut of the neck and sleeve was high enough to cover up as much stretch marks as was fashionably appropriate.  I asked myself if it was appropriate for someone my size to feel sexy.

I had to ask myself who I was asking these questions for?  In all honesty,  I was asking myself those questions to fill in a mental checklist that would lessen the paranoia I had about others views of me.  I then paused and asked myself what I wanted to know about the outfit.  Taking a long minute I asked myself again, what questions does Hayet have about Hayet wearing this outfit?